thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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