he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
