You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
