everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
