A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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