mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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