Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
