I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i think i just lost a toe
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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