I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
