She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
