He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
