My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
