yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
