Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
