this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
