Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize