God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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