never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
