Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
