just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I want her autograph on my taint
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
