You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
