Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
