i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
