She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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