Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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