She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
