I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
