C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
