wakey wakey hands off snakey
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
