make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
