So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
