Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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