Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
