So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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