ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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