I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
