walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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