I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
