OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
