butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
love makes seman taste better
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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