I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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