I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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