Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
