question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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