I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
