the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
