I'm going to jail i love you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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