Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
