the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sext me about skeletons
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
