I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
