i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
false alarm, still single
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