If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
