If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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