im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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