Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
