the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
