Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
