How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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