Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
