The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
