If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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