You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
