Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
