Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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